Blog
This Is My Son Henry...
We just celebrated my son’s 6th birthday a couple weekends ago, the first birthday officially as Henry Thomas Rice. If there is one thing I want him to forever know - it’s that I will always fight for him!
I never publicly wrote about our adoption process. We ultimately waited 918 days to officially adopt our Henry but I never talked about the experience, until now.
It was extremely difficult both emotionally and physically.
We got involved with Henry’s life as my wife and I were traveling to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary in 2017. We called the Mouser family who were raising Henry at the time. They are an incredible family who rescued and raised Henry from a terrible living situation when he was only 17 months old. They informed us of the possibility of adopting Henry and to eventually transition him into our home full time. Over the next several months, we developed a really close relationship with the Mouser’s. We watched Henry once a week before we began the transition process. By the summer of 2018, we would take Henry with us on weekend trips to the lake and he would spend the night with us once or twice a week. By the end of fall 2018, Henry moved in with us full time. Honestly, it was tough, and dealing with our government’s foster system was draining.
We were scheduled to have our Fact Finding Court Case (to remove parental rights) for Henry on October 18th, 2018. After waiting in court for a couple hours, it was postponed to November…and for reasons unannounced to us.
On November 20th, 2018 we waited in court just to find out his case was pushed back again. They said they would reconvene on December 6th just to set a date sometime in January.
Fast forward to January 18th, 2019. I am at a church conference in Texas and my wife shows up in court to find out they would push Henry’s case to March. She called me furious. Not only do we have to take off work for these court cases, but it’s hard to help people understand how restricted you are in the foster system unless you’ve been in it. For example, we would need to get permission to do pretty much anything…Want to go on a date night? Your sitter must be background checked and approved by DCS. Want to travel that weekend? You have to get permission to leave the state. Want to make sure your foster son doesn’t look like a train wreck? You have to get permission from a judge to cut his hair. I’m not complaining about the rules…they exist for a reason…some make sense, some don’t but every aspect of your life has to be planned with a foster child in your home.
When I received that phone call, I remember where I was sitting in the auditorium. I remember the first song that was played that day…it was the first time I heard “Raise a Hallelujah”… I remember sitting there crying tears of frustration as I watched the musicians lead the room full of leaders in worship. I wrote this on Facebook after receiving the news that his court date would change again.
Today we’re thankful! We’re thankful for all those praying for our family. Our court case was pushed back again until March and although it’s frustrating to see a pair of 4 year old eyes longing to belong we know he already does! We sang a song this morning at the O2 Church Network conference and the lyric says, “my weapon is a melody.” In the Kingdom of God we don’t have weapons of violence; we have weapons of praise. We can’t control all the situations in our lives but we can control our responses! God is waiting for us to bring heaven to earth and it’s activated through our attitude!
I wrote that because I meant it but also because I was preaching to myself. As a pastor, I can’t tell people to trust God if my circumstances persuade me not too. It’s okay to be frustrated…it’s not okay to allow my frustrations dictate what I believe about God.
After two more months of waiting, we finally landed on March 20th, 2019 - Henry’s Fact Finding Court Case. 14 people testified. We learned many harsh truths about the reality of Henry’s early life as we heard story after story of circumstances and situations that our son was put through. For 5 hours, my wife and I just held hands in that courtroom as we wiped tears after each person took the stand. How could someone...? Why would someone…? I really just don’t understand. We left that courtroom with mixed emotions of deep sadness and anger yet were overwhelmed with joy to finally be able to begin the adoption process of our little boy.
Little did we know that because of many mistakes made by the state, his adoption day wouldn’t happen until April 9th, 2020, more than a year later. Little do people know how consuming parenting a foster child is. We had weekly commitments - counseling, art therapy, physical therapy, DCS check-ins, and weekly charts to be filled out. There was nothing easy about it.
BUT
We would do it all over again.
WHY?
Because of love…
Because of the Gospel…
Because Henry is my son and I always viewed him that way…
It may have taken the state nearly 3 years to recognize my sons identity but he is a Rice and a Rice he’ll always be...
Open Letter To The American Christian...
Over the last several months I’ve recognized my ideologies and worldview as an American Christian are not necessarily right, they’re just mine. I’ve recognized how important dialogue is. True dialogue…where you’re not trying to prove your point or fix someone else’s beliefs. Where you listen, contemplate, and wrestle with other peoples perspective and experiences. I mean, how arrogant to think your views are always right?
We have a lot of opinions but not enough examples. We have an opinion on the national debt crisis while we ourselves are in debt. We have an opinion on leadership choices while we aren’t leading our own homes. We critique people in power because it’s easier than fixing our own problems. We think the other political party is corrupt while we ignore our “sides” corruption.
To the American Christian - we have to do better - the world is watching…
There’s a difference between our rights as Americans and our responsibilities as Christians. How you treat others is a reflection of who you are. Jesus didn’t die for us so we could continue treating people the way people treated him. I love our country and am thankful for the men and women who have sacrificed their lives so I could even share this challenge freely, but what I’ve seen is more Christians are committed to America than they are to the Kingdom of God. We should be proud to be Americans but never at the expense of other people…even immigrants. Politics do not have solutions to the world’s problems, only the Kingdom of God does. So, if we’re going to scream for our Liberty, we better stand up and take care of our responsibilities. If you publicly claim Christianity, your allegiance is to Christ and your views on freedoms and rights must be viewed through the lens of Jesus. This should create tension in your life. This should make you think about what is worth living for.
In fact, we can learn a lot about Jesus and politics by looking at the lives of two of his disciples. You prolly skip over the details when you read about how Jesus called two political opposites together into his group of 12. In Matthew 10:1-4, we learn all of the disciples names but only two of them come with titles - Matthew the Tax Collector and Simon the Zealot. Tax collectors and zealots were polar opposites. Tax collectors were Jews who betrayed their family and culture to work for a corrupt, highly influential Roman government. They would cheat their own people by taxing them more than they owed and pocketing the difference. These guys were hated among the Jews and Matthew was one of them. Zealots were Jewish nationalists who despised Rome. They were an anti-government, violent movement that began during the reign of Herod the Great. They were loyal to their traditions and Torah and they were waiting for a Messiah who would violently overthrow Rome and restore the Kingdom of Israel; similar to the theocracy under Kings David and Solomon. They were patriotic and viewed tax collectors as traitors. They loved their land and were prepared to die for it. Simon was one of them.
Now that you have context, think about how crazy it is that these two came together for a common good, rather a spiritual Kingdom good. Notice how Jesus draws passionate people to him, welcomes them at his table, loves on them, teaches them, leads by example, and then invites them to redirect their energy for something bigger than themselves. I think it’s beautiful how both are willing to lay aside their politics to work together to bring change. There was something about Jesus that not only attracted these guys to him but then was able to bring unity among them. The Jesus they had in common was more important than the politics that sought to divide them. As my pastor, Channock Banet said, “Our political views should never supersede our unconditional love.”
I Love Halloween
I have some of my favorite childhood memories around Halloween. From dressing up like my hero (my dad) to running around getting free candy, what is not to love about Halloween?
Honestly, I never heard anything negative about the holiday until I got involved in church ministry. The amount of Christians who have a problem with Halloween or don’t “celebrate” it because some people have demonized it is like not celebrating Christmas because most Americans focus on gifts and not Jesus.
I’m not writing to give a history lesson about how Halloween was started and the meanings behind why it changed over the centuries from the original ancient Celtic holiday of Samhain. I’m writing to give perspective. In today’s American culture, we as Christians have an incredible opportunity to love on and get to know our neighbors. Unlike any other holiday in America, neighborhoods come together, parties are expected, and people come to YOUR door.
What are you going to do?
Turn off the lights and condemn whatever powerless enemy you think is being celebrated? Or throw the best neighborhood party and get to know the people who live next door?
You get to decide what Halloween means for your family. You can be the person that brings your neighbors together.
Or…
You can miss the easiest opportunity to begin a relationship that could impact the people you live around.
Remember, it’s the spirit of Christ that brings people together. It’s the spirit of religion that rips people apart. As Brennan Manning once said, “Jesus did not die at the hands of muggers, rapists, and thugs. He fell into the well-scrubbed hands of deeply religious people."
Mental Rape
The following piece was written by Stephen Crosby and I thought it was so important for Christians to read, reflect, and recognize what speaking the truth in love is all about…
Some relational advice I gave to someone today, regarding the so-called "speaking the truth in love" which for too many means: blasting someone with our self-perceived biblical insights:
When a man takes from a woman by force, that for which she does not give her consent, it is called rape. When I try to enter (without their consent) another person's mental, psychological, and theological space and try to force them to see the error of their ways because of the superiority of what I think is in my point of view, I am committing the spiritual and emotional equivalent of rape. A lot of so-called "evangelism" is just mental rape.
Our job one-on-one with people is to love well, earn the right to be trusted and listened to by incarnating the life, love, power and truth that is in [Jesus]. Violating others with our knowledge is not speaking the truth in love.
If someone is not inviting me into the sacred space of their mind and soul, I do not get to "break in" by kicking down the doors of their heart, forcing my way in, and force-feeding them my "revelations."
Jesus used parables and stories to convict people. He dignified people by allowing them their own time to process the implications and associations of the parable. He was not a "truth-rapist." So many of us are. We think because the Bible says this and that, we must ram it into people as evangelism. Like: "I am just telling them God's truth. It is not my problem if they can't handle it." (I've heard that more times than I care to count).
He never "rammed truth" down someone's throat because "they needed to hear it." He only got confrontational with those who professed to have sight and were living in hypocrisy, as well as those who were their leaders (the religious hierarchy).
His overwhelmingly preferred method of "bringing the truth" was to speak in various kinds of parables that allowed people to connect the dots, or not, for themselves.
Jesus was content to "not close the deal" to use common, (and offensive) Christian-ese evangelism terminology that I have heard in numerous "evangelism training" seminars about [sic] "leading people to a decision."
I Pledge Allegiance...
Election year on social media is the worst. Everyone has an opinion on politics but it doesn’t mean it’s an educated one. In fact, most people just follow their loyalty to the party they’ve attached themselves to. Or they just repost and share meme’s of statistics and stories without ever fact-checking. They don’t read, look into policies, or try to understand opposing views. No one is 100% right and no one is 100% wrong, yet the right doesn’t listen to the left and the left doesn’t listen to the right. I have friends who love Trump. I have friends who hate him. What I’ve found is you’re damned if you vote R and you’re damned if you vote D. As if there are only two options…but that’s another conversation.
Belief systems around theology end up shaping your worldview and you must be mature enough to listen to those who see the world differently. If not, you will rot away with others who believe exactly like you do without ever bringing real change into the world.
However, I want to address the American Christian…the Christians who pledge allegiance to their country first and don’t realize it...and please allow me to be blunt…
Tertullian once said, “Shall we carry a flag? It is a rival to Christ.” If that statement is offensive, you really need to evaluate who is God in your life. Personally, I am thankful for this country and to be born on American soil. But my allegiance is to Christ; and if you publicly claim Christianity, your views on freedoms and rights must be viewed through the lens of Jesus. Sadly, many people today confuse their beliefs as an American to be the same as how Jesus would believe.
The irony is many “Christians” in the American Church today wouldn’t even recognize Jesus if he were to walk right by them on the streets. How do I know? Because He isn’t white and He isn’t American. He looks like someone that our American government has labeled as “terrorists” since 9/11. We’ve been engrained to believe that an entire people group are evil and it’s wrong. That’s why you wouldn’t recognize Jesus because he fits a preconceived negative description. As Americans, we’re too afraid to love people who don’t look like us. We’ve been brainwashed with racism, prejudice, and stereotypes that prevent us from feasting with cultures who don’t do life like us!
Did you know the Bible never mentions America? (And no the book of Revelation has nothing to do with America.)
Did you know God is not pro-America over any other country or people group?
Did you know there are policies on both sides YOU would agree with?
Did you know when we attach people to political labels it prevents us from viewing them as God’s children?
Did you know your die hard position on politics as a Christian tends to push people away from Jesus?
Did you know many acclaiming Christians in America worship this country more than Jesus and don’t realize it?
When it comes to policies and government, why is it so hard to love like Jesus? Why is it so hard to love those who differ in beliefs? The answer is complex but it doesn’t need to be. We must recognize our pursuit of the American Dream should never come at the expense of peace. We must stop hiding behind a keyboard as we type hate towards those we disagree with while we forget that as Christians we should be washing their feet.
For those who read these blogs and claim to follow Jesus, you will either love those who persecute, criticize, judge, curse, hate, and try to destroy your life or you can’t claim to follow Jesus. You are not an American first. You are a citizen of Heaven first. As Kenny Panduku said, “Your citizenship in the Kingdom of God comes before your citizenship on Earth. Yes, before your citizenship in this nation. If you think that your citizenship as an American will never conflict with your citizenship in the kingdom, your Earthly citizenship has become an idol.” We must stop trying to defend our rights at the expense of other human beings. As Americans, we divide over the wrong things in the name of “freedom” as it exposes our lack of it. We don’t know how to operate in the fruit of the Spirit and we forfeit our reign as sons and daughters in the Kingdom of God for the sake of being “right."
We often believe we’re fighting for righteousness in our political views but when our views miss the heart of God, we lose moments to actually be led by God. Rich Villodas says, "Evangelical Christianity in the United States is often characterized by a deep desire to have “Christianity” pervade our culture but not have Christ permeate our being.” Man, have we confused America to ever be a Christian nation.
Confessions Of A Pastor, Part V
I wish you knew your worth!
I wish you viewed yourself better than you do.
I wish you understood why you should attend a church service. Notice how I didn’t say I wish you would ‘go to church.’ You can’t go to something you are. People don’t wake up and go to church. Typically on Sunday mornings, the church wakes up and comes together to celebrate. At least that’s what should happen. If you “go to a church” that tells you how bad you are before they tell you how good Jesus is, you haven’t found a church. If you have to be told how much you’re a sinner before you’re told how loved you are, it’s not love you’ve found. What you’ve found is a place that is led by an orphan…a pastor who doesn’t know his or her own worth.
My friends, you don’t go to church to learn how to be good. You go to church to praise the one that already made you good. Read it again, marinate on the truth, and let it sink in.
As I heard Don Keathley once say, “The finished work of the cross gives us conclusions not conditions.”
Here are those conclusions…
Jesus loves you as you are, not as you think you should be.
Jesus already perfected you. You’re not becoming more perfect, your brain is simply trying to catch up with the reality that you already are.
Jesus qualified you. In doing so, performance based religion becomes obsolete. Thus, nullifying the excuse you already made to argue your perfection. Because perfection isn’t tied to your performance, your performance can’t reverse your perfection.
Jesus gives you your worth. Because there is nothing to contend for or strive to be, you can rest in knowing your value.
And these conclusions are so important for you to understand because they change the reason for why you get dressed to “go to church.” The service becomes a party for you. It becomes a boost of encouragement to equip you for the week ahead. It gets your head thinking right thoughts as you're reminded of your sonship/daughterhood so that people and circumstances don’t dictate your joy. It becomes a reason to participate because you recognize the responsibility you have to be a thermostat in every room you enter…bringing life with you every where you go.
Because once you know your worth, the people around you will soon know theirs.
Confessions Of A Pastor, Part IV
You don’t need more revelation, understanding, or knowledge.
I love all the above. I love the experience of receiving a “new” revelation about God. I love the feeling of the light bulb turning on when things add up and begin to make sense about a specific topic. I love learning more and more…
I hear it all the time from well-meaning believers but for most of us “church goers,” we don’t need more of it. What we need is to apply what we already know.
Jesus is God.
Jesus is the Word.
Jesus reveals who God is.
Jesus reveals what God is like.
Jesus is the full representation of God.
And if God is love, and Jesus shows us exactly how to love, then we don’t need more revelation, understanding, or knowledge. We just need to be more like Nike and just do it!
Revelation, understanding, and knowledge are great things but can often distract us from doing the simple things love requires us to do. Don’t make the mistake of doing the easy thing like closing yourself in a room to experience “more” of God than doing the hard thing like walking across the street and loving on your neighbor.
James 1:22 - Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what is says...
James 1:22 (The Message) - Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear!
And what are we to act on?
John 13:34 - Love as Christ has loved us.
And how do we know what love looks like?
1 John 3:16 - This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for each other.
Or in other words…
1 John 3:16 (The Message) - This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God’s love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.
Confessions Of A Pastor, Part III
I need grace too!
Just because I’m anointed to preach doesn’t mean I’m more anointed to live it out.
On my journey, I’m discovering why I react the way I do, why certain things tick me off, and why I do things I know I’m not supposed to. I’m working through anger, resentment, pride, and fear.
I tend to overreact and allow circumstances to dictate my mood. I bring work stress into my home. I find myself speaking harshly towards the people I love the most. I say and do things as a pastor many people would be offended by. At the end of the day, the grace that’s available to everyone, includes me and every other pastor.
As pastors, we often get judged for our family life, parenting styles, what we spend money on, and our mistakes. In my struggle, on my journey, I need grace. Trust me, I have accountability in my life. I have several men challenging me and calling me out where necessary. My wife needs grace. She didn’t sign up to be a pastor’s wife so don’t put unfair expectations on her. My kids need grace. I already hear “jokes” about them being pastor kids and what I have to look forward to in their teenage years (and I know, I am a PK). Instead of judging your pastor and their families, pray for them.
Yes, I love Jesus.
Yes, I love to talk about Jesus.
Yes, I need Jesus just as much as anyone else.
But…
Please take me and every other pastor off the pedestal that we’re trying to climb down from. We’re not saviors. We’re not superman. We’re just people who love Jesus, need Jesus, and try our best to love like Jesus. We fail and fail a lot. We love your support but don’t glorify the position. As Paul told the church in Corinth, “…by the grace of God, I am what I am.” (1 Corinthians 15:10). Let us be grace givers to every soul we encounter because we really don’t know what people are going through.
Confessions Of A Pastor, Part II
I’m on a journey too!
My beliefs change and evolve. I’m growing, adapting, and learning. I’m not where I want to be but I’m also appreciative that I’m not where I used to be. I’m not embarrassed by things I used to believe years ago; I’m thankful because those beliefs led me to what I believe now. I’m also aware that my beliefs may change in the future. In fact, I think they should. One of the biggest problems in the church today are people who’ve attended services for years but stay the same over those years…never adjusting, never questioning beliefs, never actually growing. Many people who have been in church for 20 years haven’t grown for 20 years. They’ve only grown one year, 20 times.
The biggest hurdle to your journey is thinking you’ve arrived. Another hurdle is thinking you know everything about certain topics around theology, the Bible, or that certain beliefs shouldn’t change because you learned them from respected and trusted leaders. I think you mature when your beliefs can change but your attitude towards those who taught you “wrong” or “different” don’t. Remember, everyone is on a journey. We arrive at different places at different times at different speeds.
I really care about how I lead. I listen to leadership podcasts every month and read books on leadership regularly. I practice and apply what I learn. I’m disciplined in many areas of my life but I still get caught in the moments.
I really care about what I learn and teach. I study all the time. I dialogue with other pastors and friends all the time. I read opposing views all the time. But just because I’m a pastor doesn’t mean you should hang on everything I say. Or just because I said I believed something years ago, doesn’t mean I’m confined to those beliefs today.
I really care about how I parent. I’m figuring out what works with one kid doesn’t with the other. I also sometimes get embarrassed by how my kids act in public and worry about how people view me as a father because of it.
I really care about my wife. I’m learning that being a good husband has less to do with my intentions and more to do with how I actually love, even on the days I don’t feel like it.
I’m thankful I have people in my life to challenge me, encourage me, and help pick me up on my journey. Just remember, every person you look up to is in process just like you.
Confessions Of A Pastor, Part I
I struggle too!
I struggle with depression, anxiety, doubt, and I often feel like quitting. In fact, this summer I’ve wanted to quit as a pastor more than any other time in my 13 years of ministry.
Why?
Because sometimes it feels like I’m climbing a mountain by myself. Sometimes it feels like no one will understand or can relate. Sometimes it feels like the pressure gets too heavy to lift. Sometimes it feels like no one is really listening or impacted by the words I say. Sometimes it feels like all I receive is criticism for the things I believe that may be different from others. Sometimes it feels like very few appreciate what I do. Sometimes it feels like all I hear is negativity about the decisions I make even though I deeply care about what people think about me. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to do a 9-5 job and not have to worry about how people will respond to the life choices I make as a pastor. Sometimes I feel like moving states because I soak in the lie that it would be easier to start over than to continue to do life with the people that know me. Sometimes I feel like the people that should be the most loving, accepting, and encouraging people on the planet just aren’t.
Thank God for Jesus.
Thank God feelings aren’t facts.
Thank God for grace.
Thank God He’s not disappointed or shocked by my doubts.
Thank God He gets into the hole with me when I’m struggling.
Thank God He comforts me before He tries to help me out of said hole.
Thank God He’s patient, kind, and understanding.
Thank God He is often different than the “Christians” who claim to follow him.
I struggle too but I don’t have to stay where I struggle. I fall too but I don’t have to stay down where I landed. You don’t drown because you fall into water, you drown because you stay submerged in it.
Lamentations 3:22-23 “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
I had an epiphany
This past month I’ve tried writing but I couldn’t put coherent thoughts together. We were in the process of moving homes, which left us homeless for 30 days. We were privileged to travel and stay with friends, but juggling our lifestyle with 2 kids under 5 was stressful, fun, adventurous, and aggravating all at the same time. On top of that, everything going on in our society makes me feel sad, frustrated, and annoyed. From social injustice to coronavirus pandemic to conspiracy theorists to politics.
It. Is. Exhausting.
What to believe?
Who to believe?
You’re wrong…You’re lying…You’re left…You’re right…
Finger pointing…blaming…arguing…picketing…
I saw several meme’s online that describe the difference of opinions in church culture. It went something like this...
4 weeks ago
Church member 1 - why are you reopening the church?
Church member 2 - why did we ever shut down in the first place?
3 weeks ago
Church member 1 - why don’t you care about the struggles of minorities?
Church member 2 - why don’t you care about the struggles of the police?
2 weeks ago
Church member 1 - why don’t you wear a mask and require others to as well?
Church member 2 - why don’t you care about my freedom to choose?
The reality is...You’re damned if you say something, you’re damned if you don’t.
So instead of trying to force myself to write, I spent majority of my time this past month enjoying my family. I did a lot of listening, reading, and learning. I watched and listened to how people discussed the problems mentioned above with very little response or rebuttal. I was less interested in proving points or exposing a lack of education on said topics. I also practiced letting others have the last say.
What I learned the most is two-fold:
Very few people are listening. Both sides of every issue above have a lot of valid points. Both sides also have a lot of ignorant points. No one is 100% “right” and we have a lot to learn from each other. Empathy seems to be a lost art.
Love trumps everything. I could be wrong but possibly this is why Jesus told his audience love is the only way people will know you are a follower of His Way. Maybe our world is so divided because we don’t know how to love people who believe different than us. Maybe our world will begin to change when we view every human being as a beautiful soul created in the image and likeness of God regardless of their religious beliefs, social stance, or political affiliation. Maybe the world will look to the church when the church can figure out the only command Jesus told us to live by - to love as Christ has loved you.
An Open Letter To White People
My recent blogs Racism Is A Pandemic and Riots And Injustice weren’t really controversial. I never claimed any “side” other than the side that white people need to engage more with their black friends, listen, and learn.
Yet, I received many messages and calls from well meaning white people. Some of the “concerns” were valid and right. Many of the responses completely missed the point. And all but one that messaged or called admitted to not yet engaging with their black friends about the topic.
That is heartbreaking.
For the record, reposting Candace Owens, the Hodgetwins, Morgan Freeman speaking on race nearly a decade ago, or any other black person just because they believe what you believe is not educating yourself. It either exposes your confirmation bias or exposes the fact that you don’t have any real life black friends. Both are a problem.
Brooke Hempell, the Senior Vice President of research at Barna Group released this statement recently, “Our research confirms the fear that the church (or the people in it) may be part of the problem in the hard work of racial reconciliation. If you’re a white, evangelical, Republican, you are less likely to think race is a problem, but more likely to think you are a victim of reverse racism. You are also less convinced that people of color are socially disadvantaged. Yet these same groups believe the church plays an important role in reconciliation. This dilemma demonstrates that those supposedly most equipped for reconciliation do not see the need for it.”
If the Gospel message is about reconciliation and restoration, how hypocritical is it for the white community to not carry the burdens of the black community as Galatians 6:2 challenges us to do? How hypocritical is it for white people to talk about and expose injustice in only the areas that affect us…in only the circumstances we care about? That is not restorative justice!
You can rebuttal a lot of things. You can’t rebuttal experience. You also can’t rebuttal history. It’s time to remove our own biases as white people and actually learn about experiences and history.
Of course all lives matter, but not all lives experience racial injustice. Therefore, all lives can’t matter until all black lives matter. Even the lives of those you don’t think deserve it because of their ‘record’. This does not mean I’m against police. My wife’s uncle works for LMPD, one of my closest friends is a local officer, and the chief of swat is an active member in our church. All three are great men! I’ve either spoken with them or seen their posts on Facebook and all of them believe what happened to George Floyd was wrong! My issue isn’t even with police brutality (even though I believe it exists, is an issue, and change is mandatory). My issue is with systemic racism, which I’m learning about. Police brutality is a bi-product of corrupt systems without the proper checks and balances. As Lecrae said, “We’re not saying (white people) are driving the boat that creates the waves of racism, we’re just asking (them) to admit there are waves.” That imagery is powerful. There’s a big difference between hating racism and condemning it.
I’ve also seen how some white people think this conversation only creates more division and how we just need to stay united. The irony with that statement is by telling people to stop dividing without addressing the real issues that divide actually creates more division; because you’re telling people groups that their experiences don’t matter. You’re blind to the racism that exists because it doesn’t apply to you. There is also a difference between the BLM organization and the phrase itself. As a Christian man, I do not agree with everything the BLM organization stands for but I do agree with the phrase. I do agree that I have a lot to learn. I also agree that my black friends have and will experience something I never will.
Therefore, I listen. I listen to my black friends experiences. I’ll never know what it feels like to be pulled over multiple times just because I “fit a description.” I learn. I learn about the events I never knew about prior to this past week…I learn about Tulsa in 1921. I learn about Rosewood in 1923. I read. I read about the mass incarceration and corrupt justice department as explained in detail in The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander. I read about my own prejudice and how police and the minority communities can thrive together through relationship in The Third Option by Miles McPherson. I’m challenged about the experiences of Austin Channing Brown as I read her story in I’m Still Here. I watched movies and documentaries on this reality (Just Mercy, 13th, Time: The Kalief Browder Story, and I am not your negro). I look forward to reading many more books on this topic such as White Fragility, One Blood, Me and White Supremacy, How to be an Anti Racist, Divided by Faith, Woke Church, Insider Outsider, The Color of Compromise, Right Color Wrong Culture, Why are all the Black Kids sitting together in the Cafeteria?, How to be less stupid about race, How black is the Gospel?, White Awake, So you want to talk about race?…just to name a few.
If you can’t take the time to learn outside of your “side”, culture, or bias, you’ll never grow or change. As Pope Francis once said, “Stagnant water becomes putrid.”
Riots and Injustice
So many people upset. So many people proving their point. So many people not listening.
Those three sentences describe social media over the last couple of weeks.
Here’s the truth - We should be upset. Let’s just make sure our energy is aimed at the root of the problem.
George Floyd murdered by a person who swore to protect. Riots ensued. Social media blew up. Cries from the black community were met with ignorant statements from some in the white community.
PEOPLE - riots only happen for one reason! They happen when peaceful protests and voices aren't heard.
Oh, you aren’t convinced the protests started peacefully? Remember when Colin Kaepernick protested peacefully 4 years ago and many in the white community were outraged? Now those same white people focus on the rioting and say things like ‘rioting doesn’t equal justice’ or ‘why can’t they just protest in peace’?
THEY TRIED! WE REBUKED THEM!
Before we get self-righteous because we’ve individually never thought about rioting over something before (or we have it’s just over protecting our 2nd Amendment rights. You know…the things “we” care about…the things that represent “our freedoms”); let’s really try to put ourselves in the shoes of our frustrated black brothers and sisters. Let’s also not forget that America was founded on riots. Our English forefathers tried to peacefully protest. Their voices weren’t heard. What did they do? Not only did we violently revolt against Britain, but we came to someone else’s land, murdered them, and took over. We even learn about these riots in history class. Everyone knows about the Boston Tea Party...in fact, Americans celebrate it. But that was for freedom! That was for the home of the brave...irony much?
Isn’t what’s going on today for freedom? For justice? For equality? Disagree with the method but at least logically think about it.
Does violent resistance and rioting make our lives better? Absolutely not. It’s actually the opposite way of Jesus. But we have to be mature enough to listen, learn, and change. Throughout history, violent resistance sometimes led to positive social change. It brought attention to oppression. It exposed those in positions of power who abused their privileges. It forced us to investigate our governmental systems, and in some cases it caused corrupt leadership to step down or surrender.
For the record - I do not support violence in any capacity...ever! Non-violent resistance is the way of Jesus. It also was the way to social justice exemplified from leaders like Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi. Actually, Gandhi got rid of British colonial rule through peace, not violence. It’s even recorded that German Nazi’s had the hardest time dealing with those that opposed them peacefully, without violence. So no, riots are unacceptable and do not serve as a solution. They are wrong.
BUT
Riots are almost always the bi-product of real injustice. No one riots without reason. Riots are often a cry of desperation. They are a cry of frustration. They happen when people feel like they have no other option. So don’t respond to this post without listening to what is being said. No, riots are not good. No, riots are not the answer. No, I do not agree with riots. I am sad about them. But I’m also smart enough to understand they take place for a reason.
As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “And I must say tonight that a riot is the language of the unheard. And what is it America has failed to hear? ... It has failed to hear that the promises of freedom and justice have not been met. And it has failed to hear that large segments of white society are more concerned about tranquility and the status quo than about justice and humanity.”
When we address the reason…
When we empathize with the oppressed…
When we listen to learn…
When we provide justice for everyone…
We eliminate riots.
White people - we must engage in real life conversations with black people instead of posting on social media of how mad we are about the riots to our all white Facebook friends. We must stop rolling our eyes at race conversations while we sit in a circle with only white people. We must humble ourselves. We must pray. We must speak up and speak out against injustice. We must come together...
I must change.
To my black friends - I’m sorry for taking so long to stand with you!
How will you be remembered?
This past week the great apologist Ravi Zacharias passed away. I am very grateful to have been given the opportunity to learn from, wrestle with, and experience so many of his teachings. He was one of those guys that addressed the hard topics and questions of Christianity with incredible knowledge and grace. But he didn’t just touch my life. This week I saw hundreds of people post on Instagram and Facebook about him because they too were impacted by his life and ministry. Honestly, I hadn’t seen that kind of social media praise for someone since the passing of Billy Graham two years ago.
99% of people won’t be given the stage opportunities that Ravi had to impact others but 99% of people don’t have that calling. Everyone however, has a calling to leave a legacy worth following.
Some of the greatest advice I’ve received is to think about my legacy because I write it every day. My life choices don’t determine God’s love towards me, but they do determine the depth of my relationships, the love I give to others, and the legacy I leave.
One of the craziest stories I’ve read about a change in legacy involves Alfred Nobel - the inventor of dynamite. When his brother died, they accidentally wrote the obituary about Alfred. He was condemned for his invention of the explosive so he decided he wanted to leave a better legacy. Thus, creating the Nobel Peace Prize.
It’s never too late to rewrite your story.
It’s never too late to change your legacy.
It’s never too late to begin to impact the generations that follow.
I don’t believe blessings flow because we are ‘good’. I believe blessings flow because God is good. The blessings we receive are not personal, they are generational. God gives to us to be given through us.
Instead of getting out of the world, we should be more concerned with what we’re putting into the world. Life is not about what you take out, it’s about what you put in.
What are you putting in?
Let's Disagree
Last week I witnessed something sad. I witnessed beliefs dictate the way strangers treated each other. I witnessed disagreement turn into abuse. I witnessed both sides prove they were right, while neither making a difference.
Sure, I stirred up some controversy last week with my blog about racism. Almost as much controversy as my women in ministry or my castrated by Christians blogs. Christians hate when you address things that are CLEARLY in the Bible (sarcasm).
And that is one of the biggest problems with our society today. People love to disagree and tell you why you’re wrong without ever really allowing dialogue. People love to “dialogue” on Facebook with those they don’t do life with just because they’re Facebook “friends.” I don’t always respond, depending on the person or the post. It’s not avoiding dialogue. Facebook is not real life! I will gladly dialogue in person or in private. My number is available for anyone who asks. However, true dialogue requires factual education on the topic, patience to understand perspective, and empathy for experience. True dialogue still ends in friendship even if both parties disagree.
We need unity but that does not mean conformity. The difference is powerful. Be unique. Get educated without bias (which is hard to do). And keep listening. Your actions will speak louder than your words, but your words have the power to create - you either create bridges or gaps, bring help or hurt, and produce love or hate.
So let’s dialogue. Let’s disagree. Let’s listen. Let’s learn.
But can we keep it civil? Can we keep our emotions in check? Can we truly listen to understand and empathize? Can we really dialogue without disrespect? Can we really disagree without disassociating from each other or changing our opinions about someone because their belief system may be different from ours? If we really want to do better, let’s listen better. Maybe the person who disagrees with us is really just hurt from some experience in their past. Maybe the person who disagrees with us is much more educated on the topic and has a lot to offer. Maybe we could just honor each other in the midst of disagreement. Now that would be a crazy idea!
Racism is a pandemic
I’m embarrassed to admit I've only recently began to understand that racism is still alive and well and that I do in fact have privilege. It started a couple years ago when I read the book, "The Third Option" by Miles McPherson. I was blinded and naive because of my own experiences, or lack thereof. I have a lot to learn, especially as I am now raising a son who is black. I’ve only noticed things because it is now a real part of my life. I’ve also learned that my opinions and beliefs on this topic tend to be ignorant and the only way change is going to happen is if the white community truly begins to listen. Listen without an agenda. Listen to learn and understand. Listen to … your black friends … and if you don’t have any, shut up!
White people - are we helping or hurting with the way we are responding to the outcry from our black brothers and sisters?
As a white, middle class male, I haven’t experienced racism or been profiled. I haven’t had to deal with stereotypical jokes. I don’t have to worry about where I go or about being out late. I wasn’t even aware of my own city’s redlining until I actually got involved.
I never even thought about white privilege until I became aware of it through raising a black son. It’s hard to notice something that doesn’t affect you negatively. It’s subtle but it’s there. Like how much harder it is to find children’s books with black children. This wasn’t even a thought with my daughter. Or when my son cut his toe and I opened the first aid kit to get out the “flesh-colored” bandaids that only matches one type of flesh. Or searching for hair products in a much smaller, separated aisle labeled “ethnic hair care” away from the much larger hair aisle labeled “hair care.”
If you’re white and you read that, your response is probably one of two: The first one says get over it, rolls their eyes, or has some kind of ignorant response. The second wakes up and realizes, wow, I would have never noticed until you just pointed it out. These may be minor but this is just the beginning of a system that creates hills for the black community to climb.
If you don’t think white privilege is a thing, text a black friend and ask about it. If you don’t have a black friend you’re willing to text, there’s a problem. How can you have an opinion on a topic that doesn’t involve the minority in the conversation? How can you bring change when you aren’t willing to listen to the other side, let alone sit together over a shared meal? It’s hard to learn from people you aren’t friends with. If you don’t have friends of a different race, you shouldn’t speak your opinions on race topics. I’m not an expert on this subject. I’m learning...
If you want to learn too, here’s what you can do…
Learn the language. Don’t get offended by the phrases “white privilege” or “black lives matter”. If they trigger you, welcome to what our black brothers and sisters have been dealing with their whole lives. For the record - the black lives matter movement is not saying all lives don’t matter or that blue lives don’t matter. That misses the whole point!!! All lives don’t have privilege. All lives don’t experience racism. All lives don’t experience hatred. The point of black lives matter is to end racism and prejudice. It’s about fighting for equality.
Listen. Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is a problem.
Don’t let your discomfort cause you to disengage.
Stand up for what is right. It shouldn’t take a social media uprising to arrest the two murderers of Ahmaud Arbery. If you’re relieved these men have been arrested, you’ve missed it. The fact these two were free for several months is the problem. That’s the system that is flawed.
Christians - we know where Jesus stands on this issue. He stands on the side of the marginalized. Do you?
When Parenting Feels Like Drowning
Parenting is hard. Especially when you have two kids under 5 during a national pandemic. I can’t imagine those who have more than 2 and what they are going through. Parenting before the pandemic sometimes felt like treading under water. Now it just feels like we come up for air whenever the kids are in bed. I so look forward to the kids bedtime. As soon as I wake up I’m thinking about their bed time. That is because in this house every day feels like Saturday and I’m over it. Before the pandemic, I used to feel guilty for not always being around, but then when I am around I remember why I like being away. I think I’ve made up for lost time now!
I am however, learning a lot. I’m gaining a new appreciation for our teachers and child care providers. But I’m also learning that my kids are always watching. Everywhere, at every moment, I have 4 eyeballs watching my every move. I’m about to be real open and honest with you, don’t judge me. I spank myself a lot! It’s weird, I know. It’s even more weird writing it down for the world to see. But for real, I get so excited I slap myself really hard and repeatedly. Think I’m lying? Ask my wife. She’s probably more embarrassed that I wrote that than I am. Why am I sharing? Because both of my kids do it ALL. THE. TIME. In fact, when I saw Henry (my 5 year old son) do it recently, I thought “wow, he learned that from me!” Funny, but not great.
I’m learning most of all that all kids want are affection and time. Usually bad behavior is a by-product of a lack of it. They long for our love. They long for our attention, even if it’s spinning the same bay blade for the 100th time. They long for our approval. They long for us to watch them unimpressively jump, do somersaults, dance, color, or whatever they think is awesome but we know is terrible. The awful scribble of nothing with crayon hangs on our fridge too. Not because we think it’s good. We know it sucks. But it hangs because our kids are ours and we love them! This is what we do. We may think we fail often, but as long as we give our kids affection and time, they will turn out just fine!
I’m not writing to give you the best parenting tips. I’m writing to encourage you. You’re doing way better than you think you are. And when you’re about to snap because the kids are asking for their third snack after already having breakfast at the butt-crack of dawn, just inhale deeply. Briefly think about selling them on the black market, smirk, slug down your third cup of espresso and remember - you’re not screwing your kids up. Do the best you can, give your kids extra hugs, give yourself extra grace and try again tomorrow.
My Birthday Wish
Today is the day my mother pushed me out 33 years ago! When she gave birth to me, she was 33. I’m glad I celebrate my birthday today without an infant! My wife Julia and I just officially adopted our son two weeks ago and two children are plenty right now. We’re trying to manage full time parenting, working, and cooking for two children who are always asking for food during this national pandemic. It. Is. Never-ending!
So it’s my birthday and here’s how you can help and celebrate me. My wife and I are currently saving and raising money for another adoption. This time our current plan is to head to Ukraine in the summer of 2022 and change the life of a little girl. If you know my wife’s story, she was adopted from Ukraine at the ripe age of 16! I am forever grateful to the Martin’s for all they’ve done for my family and we look to do the same for the generations to come.
The average cost of adoption from Ukraine is around 33K. Through the sales of my books and the generosity of others we have been able to save more than 11K. You can purchase both books by clicking on the books tab above. If you don’t like reading, both books are also on Audible and you can listen to my sweet voice drop ear candy wisdom. All proceeds will be going towards our adoption story. You can also give towards our GoFundMe page by clicking here. We thank everyone who has supported us through this journey and for the many people who have blessed us financially. Thank you for being a part of our ripple effect.
Ignorance Is Not Bliss
I came across some startling statistics this week that made me reevaluate my life. I hope to inspire the same with you. Did you know the average American spends…
876 hours a year on social media? That’s nearly 37 days. More than 1 month of the year we spend scrolling with our thumbs!
1,846 hours a year watching TV? That’s nearly 77 days. Almost 3 months of the year we spend binge watching our favorite shows, movies, and sports.
We say we’re too busy but statistics show that many of us spend a third of our year scrolling or watching. Regardless if we claim to be under the average or not, we spend way too much time on things that don’t benefit our lives. And if we’re not disciplined and intentional, those numbers will increase during this coronavirus pandemic.
Can I challenge you to read more? Take some time to invest in yourself. Take some time to learn and develop new skills. Take some time to increase your knowledge and understanding. Ignorance is not bliss. In fact, ignorance causes people to live for and believe the wrong things. So, here are some lists of a couple of my favorite books by topic...
Leadership
Dare To Lead by Brené Brown
The Go-Giver by Bob Burg
H3 Leadership by Brad Lomenick
The Question Behind The Question by John Miller
Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek
Personal Development
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer
Everybody Always by Bob Goff
Switch on your Brain by Dr. Caroline Leaf
The Third Option: Hope for a Racially Divided Nation by Miles McPherson
Choosing to Cheat by Andy Stanley
Finance
Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
The Legacy Journey by Dave Ramsey
Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
The Richest Man in Babylon by George Clason
Health and Nutrition
Proteinaholic by Dr. Garth Davis
How Not To Die by Dr. Michael Greger
The China Study by Dr. T. Colin Campbell and Dr. Thomas M. Campbell
Parenting
Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
Loving Your Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk
Trust Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) training is a phenomenal parenting resource and something we were trained with in the foster system.
If you made it this far and you’re a Christian, here are lists of challenging Christian reads on learning what you actually believe about God and the book that talks about him. I believe the deepest study on the Christian life is love like Jesus (best exemplified in the book above by Bob Goff). But there are some topics many Christians really struggle with and want some answers. As you find some answers you may begin to question what to believe or who to believe since there are many differing opinions on the topics below. The best advice I’ve received when it comes to theology is believe the idea that looks the most like Jesus. Now, before you label me based on the authors mentioned below, I was raised in the Southern Baptist/Reformed theology camp my whole upbringing. I graduated from Liberty Theological Seminary. For the record, I have read every book listed below. I refuse to endorse books I haven’t read in their entirety. I also refuse to dismiss Christian authors just because popular Christianity does. If you form an opinion about someone you do not know or form an opinion about a topic/book you have not studied or read, then how can you expect your opinion to carry any credibility? Don’t just believe everything you’ve been taught because an idea seems different, new, or wrong. When I actually started to study and read topics way after I graduated from seminary, I learned that the early church believed many different things than the current popular Western Christian movement. What happened when I wasn’t forced to believe something because the power hungry, money driven, or fear based denominations of America believed it, I actually found Grace. I actually found righteousness, peace, and joy. You know…the Kingdom that Jesus established on Earth 2,000 years ago…Proceed with caution however, you could be dismissed as your beliefs begin to change; but you’ll find something…rather Someone who will radically change the way you live.
If you’re curious about how to read the Bible and how to make sense of Old Testament violence read… Irresistible by Andy Stanley
Understanding The Whole Bible by Jonathan Welton
What is the Bible? by Rob Bell
Disarming Scripture by Derek Flood
Cross Vision by Gregory Boyd
The Bible Made Impossible by Christian Smith
The Bible Tells Me So by Dr. Peter Enns
If you’re curious about understanding the Biblical view of Hell read…
Hell Yes/Hell No by Dr. John Noe
If you’re curious about many myths the Western Church believes read...
Myths and Mistranslations by Jamie Englehart
If you’re curious about understanding the end times or what the Bible even talks about when it references it read...
How the End Times Ended in AD 70 by Micah Stephens
Raptureless by Jonathan Welton
(Or you can watch the countless hours of Youtube videos produced by Dr. Lynn Hiles and Dr. John Noe)
If you really want to be challenged and surprised about the Jesus that is revealed through Scripture then read these 2 books by Keith Giles…
Jesus Unbound: Liberating the Word of God from the Bible
Jesus Untangled: Crucifying Our Politics to Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb
I only waited 918 days for this
IT. FINALLY. HAPPENED.
As of April 9th, 2020 we officially adopted our son: Henry Thomas Rice!
We celebrate but not because we can call Henry our son. We celebrate because we no longer have to be told how to parent by the state. We no longer have to ask permission to cut his hair. We no longer have to get authorization to leave Indiana. We no longer have to tell our son ‘no’ when he asks to spend the night at a friends house…and the list goes on…
The moment Henry walked into our lives 2.5 years ago, my wife revealed to me that God told her he was going to be our son. That piece of information changed everything for us. We decided we didn't need the state to tell us he was our son before we treated him like one. I have always viewed Henry as my son, so this day was less of a thrill and more of a relief. More like a sigh with an eye roll towards God - it took you long enough!!!
It’s comical to even write those words but that’s how I felt. And as my wife and I have had time to reflect over the last couple of years, we learned one of the greatest yet toughest life lessons…the power of waiting well.
God said something to my wife and it took 2.5 years for the promise to come to fruition. In other words, it took exactly 918 days.
918 days! That’s so long and so short all at the same time. Long because we lived it. Short because I compare it to other people throughout Scripture who have had to wait. Specifically…
Eve - remember when she received a promise that the serpent would be crushed through her seed? That’s an exciting promise to receive…unless you never get to experience it because it wasn’t fulfilled until Mary gave birth to Jesus. That’s a long freaking time!
Noah - remember when God told this dude to build a boat because it was going to rain? Rain didn’t fall for another 120 years!
Abraham - remember when God told him he’d be a father of many nations? That wouldn’t happen for another 25 years!
David - remember when God told this teenager he was going to be king of Israel? He wasn’t crowned for another 15 years!
God tends to have a track record of making people wait. Many people want promises from God but I’ve noticed that many times these promises come with frustrating waiting seasons. I think it’s because God is more concerned with how you respond when you’re stuck in line. I think it’s because God is more concerned with what He wants to do in you before He does something great through you. The greatest lesson I've learned through this adoption process has been that the greatest promises often require the greatest patience.