When Parenting Feels Like Drowning
Parenting is hard. Especially when you have two kids under 5 during a national pandemic. I can’t imagine those who have more than 2 and what they are going through. Parenting before the pandemic sometimes felt like treading under water. Now it just feels like we come up for air whenever the kids are in bed. I so look forward to the kids bedtime. As soon as I wake up I’m thinking about their bed time. That is because in this house every day feels like Saturday and I’m over it. Before the pandemic, I used to feel guilty for not always being around, but then when I am around I remember why I like being away. I think I’ve made up for lost time now!
I am however, learning a lot. I’m gaining a new appreciation for our teachers and child care providers. But I’m also learning that my kids are always watching. Everywhere, at every moment, I have 4 eyeballs watching my every move. I’m about to be real open and honest with you, don’t judge me. I spank myself a lot! It’s weird, I know. It’s even more weird writing it down for the world to see. But for real, I get so excited I slap myself really hard and repeatedly. Think I’m lying? Ask my wife. She’s probably more embarrassed that I wrote that than I am. Why am I sharing? Because both of my kids do it ALL. THE. TIME. In fact, when I saw Henry (my 5 year old son) do it recently, I thought “wow, he learned that from me!” Funny, but not great.
I’m learning most of all that all kids want are affection and time. Usually bad behavior is a by-product of a lack of it. They long for our love. They long for our attention, even if it’s spinning the same bay blade for the 100th time. They long for our approval. They long for us to watch them unimpressively jump, do somersaults, dance, color, or whatever they think is awesome but we know is terrible. The awful scribble of nothing with crayon hangs on our fridge too. Not because we think it’s good. We know it sucks. But it hangs because our kids are ours and we love them! This is what we do. We may think we fail often, but as long as we give our kids affection and time, they will turn out just fine!
I’m not writing to give you the best parenting tips. I’m writing to encourage you. You’re doing way better than you think you are. And when you’re about to snap because the kids are asking for their third snack after already having breakfast at the butt-crack of dawn, just inhale deeply. Briefly think about selling them on the black market, smirk, slug down your third cup of espresso and remember - you’re not screwing your kids up. Do the best you can, give your kids extra hugs, give yourself extra grace and try again tomorrow.