Confessions Of A Pastor, Part I

I struggle too!

I struggle with depression, anxiety, doubt, and I often feel like quitting. In fact, this summer I’ve wanted to quit as a pastor more than any other time in my 13 years of ministry. 

Why?

Because sometimes it feels like I’m climbing a mountain by myself. Sometimes it feels like no one will understand or can relate. Sometimes it feels like the pressure gets too heavy to lift. Sometimes it feels like no one is really listening or impacted by the words I say. Sometimes it feels like all I receive is criticism for the things I believe that may be different from others. Sometimes it feels like very few appreciate what I do. Sometimes it feels like all I hear is negativity about the decisions I make even though I deeply care about what people think about me. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to do a 9-5 job and not have to worry about how people will respond to the life choices I make as a pastor. Sometimes I feel like moving states because I soak in the lie that it would be easier to start over than to continue to do life with the people that know me. Sometimes I feel like the people that should be the most loving, accepting, and encouraging people on the planet just aren’t. 

Thank God for Jesus.
Thank God feelings aren’t facts. 
Thank God for grace.
Thank God He’s not disappointed or shocked by my doubts.
Thank God He gets into the hole with me when I’m struggling.
Thank God He comforts me before He tries to help me out of said hole. 
Thank God He’s patient, kind, and understanding.
Thank God He is often different than the “Christians” who claim to follow him.

I struggle too but I don’t have to stay where I struggle. I fall too but I don’t have to stay down where I landed. You don’t drown because you fall into water, you drown because you stay submerged in it. 
Lamentations 3:22-23 “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."