A Family Affair
We’re sitting in the worst looking circle that a group of high schoolers could ever attempt in a log cabin on Nolin Lake. Some are on couches, some on chairs, while others are on the floor sitting Indian style (criss-cross applesauce for all you offended people). We’re talking about the pressures of social media and how hard it is for teenagers to be original, authentic, and secure in their identity. Social media is a great thing if stewarded properly but for most people it creates anxiety and a lack of trust in their relationships. One student called it the “curtain personality” as they hide behind the image they create of themselves online.
The conversation shifted however, and in my 12 years of Student Ministry, I’ve never been this shocked. One student spoke up, “I guess I’m not as upset about the pressure that social media creates in me as much as I’m upset about what technology has done to my family.” The room went quiet and I tried to not let my chin hit the floor. Explain, I said. What you’re about to read is going to pierce your heart. If you’re a parent: don’t allow guilt, shame, anger, denial, or any other emotion except empathy enter your mind…
“My family rarely sits down together to eat a meal,” one student said. Another chimed in, “Yea, if we do sit together, no one is present and there is always someone either watching tv or on their phone.” Yet another, “We don’t even sit in the same room when we eat. And my mom is usually watching tv while scrolling Facebook on her computer.”
The conversation continued for the next 20 minutes as every single student agreed. They are longing for our love and attention. As adults, we might think our kids have an issue with their smart phone device but let’s be honest…we all do. We might not be seeking affirmation or popularity like teens are, but it might be worse as we’re ignoring real human beings in our homes to compare vacations, build up our pride as we live through our kids, or just scroll to escape, stay in the ‘know’, or creep. Do we lack real connection time with our kids because we abuse and are distracted by good things?
Every student was wishing for some type of regular connection with their parent(s). Even if they’re opposed to it at first, I promise you they are longing for your attention and affirmation. When was the last time you talked to your kids about their life without interjecting advice or disappointment? When was the last time you gave your kids a hug long enough to let them feel your embrace of love and power? It’s time for us to stop blaming this next generation for the world they live in and start creating a home filled with intentional relationships, undivided attention, and unconditional love.