Marriage is amazing!
Today, I celebrate my anniversary with the woman of my dreams. I know everyone says that but it’s actually real for me. I didn’t get married until I was 27. That might seem young to you but I had an expectation of being married right out of college. It was extremely hard for me to wait and be patient but I’m so glad I was! In fact, when I was 24 I made a list. A list that turned into 17 non-negotiable character traits and desires that I had in a future spouse. They were so specific and so detailed that my best friend told me I needed to narrow the list because that kind of woman didn’t exist. In my loneliness and frustration, I thought about narrowing the list often. However, I ended up coming to a conclusion - I would rather be single the rest of my life if it meant settling for someone I’d be frustrated with long term. How would I know I’d be frustrated if I settled? Because I made a list!! It was detailed and thorough. It was nit-picky - I had some real physical expectations. Some might call it shallow, I call it precise. And it’s not wrong to be precise, especially when I hold myself to the same physical expectations. The woman that checked everything off this list is Julia and today we celebrate 5 years of marriage. She is my prize who I cherish and love. I’m thankful for the woman God brought into my life and I still choose her…yesterday, today, and forever!
And here’s why this list is so important…my pastor said it this past week in our staff meeting. He said, “People in our society are together long enough to make babies but not long enough to build a family.” And that’s part of the reason why marriages don’t last…
The other reason why marriages don’t last - the language we use to describe marriage.
For example…
Your spouse is not your better half. Stop saying it! You are a complete person in Christ. Your spouse is a complete person in Christ. They should make you better but they don’t complete you.
Your marriage is not difficult. Yes, you have difficult seasons and experiences but your marriage is not difficult in and of itself. It’s difficult because you keep speaking that over it. Marriage is amazing, it’s fun, it’s worth it. You will have difficult moments but you are a team and together you can handle anything and everything! Your perspective is so important because if you think your wife is a ball-n-chain, that’s what she’ll be. But if your wife is your best friend, partner-in-crime, and confidant, that’s what she’ll be. You tackle the difficult moments head on together, reminding yourself that this is the person you CHOSE to do life with. Fight for them!
End rant…
I know you’re curious about my list. Maybe one day I’ll share it. Maybe not. Maybe if enough people ask. But regardless, If you’re single, make a list. If you’re dating and haven’t made a list, make a list. Then evaluate the person you’re currently dating. Don’t stay together out of convenience and familiarity. This is your life we’re talking about! Keep your standard high. You’re too amazing to give yourself away to just anyone.